2. She's Just Not Worth Your Pretty If She's Not Calling You

Not being able to call you is the worst, bullshittiest excuse in the world. There is no excuse for your girl not to call. As a girl, if it's one thing I know it's that we love to talk. We love to verbally share pretty much everything we do, from the most embarrassing FML moments we have to our proudest, ego-boosting triumphs.
Being 'busy' is not an excuse. Every girl I know is just short of surgically attached to her cellphone, so being 'busy' is just another way of saying, "I don't want to talk to you," and what girl wouldn't want to talk to her friends? Even if 'busy' does occur, a phone call will happen eventually in the day, with the phrase, "Ohmygod, I thought about you today when..." littered throughout.


The "But She's Always Out" Excuse

I said it before and I'll say it again: we women are practically just short of surgically attached to our cellphones. Just because she's out doesn't give her the excuse not to call. Granted, she doesn't have to call the moment something exciting happens or the second she walks out her door, but she will eventually come home (or someone else's home, I don't judge) to chill and relax. This is usually when a girl will whip out her trusty phone and call. If you're not on that list of people she calls, she is not worth being in your life and she is certainly not worth your pretty.


The "She's Got A Lot To Deal With" Excuse

She's got a full time job, two kids, a dog, and a jackass for a husband. Okay, she's got a loaded plate and you don't want to add to it. But if she's really and truly your best friend, then she will find the time in her schedule to call, even if it's to cry about how she just can't get a moment to herself. Women want to share their misery and grief just as much as we want to share our happiness and laughter. We need someone there who understands us, who can commisserate with us, who we can share the burden with.


The "She Just Says Stuff That She Doesn't Mean"

Okay, if you read 'He's Just Not That Into You', you'll recognize this one. I believe that it goes for both women and men alike. If your girlfriend says she'll call you back, she will call you back. If she says she'll call you tomorrow, she'll call you tomorrow. Or, at least, she should. Whenever she says things like these, she's making you a promise, even if it's just something as small as a phone call. By letting her break these promises, you're enabling her to treat you like crap, and who wants that? Granted, there are exceptions to this rule: if she manages to seriously contact you in some way (six-page email, three consecutive wall posts, five message IM, that sort of thing), then it's okay, because she's still trying to get in touch with you. Not okay, though, if she says she'll call you back and replies instead with an email every single time. Phone contact is good. It means you still want to hear their voice and know who the person is. If she becomes (what I like to call) PC Poltergeist, then she's not worth your pretty. She's just using you to vent. So tell her to hit the the road and get a diary.


The "She's Just Not Really A Phone Person" Excuse

Lies. If she really 'wasn't a phone person' she wouldn't have a cellphone. (Granted, there are some who still don't.) But she has a house phone. And, c'mon, she's your best friend: wouldn't you want to be able to talk to your best friend without having to wait for a wall post or an email? And who said those things were really all that great? I've found that, with my best friends, emails and wall posts and MSN just don't cut it. There's just the comfort of the immediate response, the warm fuzzy feeling when you realize you've gone totally off topic and launched into a totally different conversation.


I'm just going to point out right here that, as I write this, I am writing specifically about best friends. Those who you count as the women in your inner circle, the ones who you multiline call at night, the ones who you'd imagine would be your bridesmaids at your imaginary wedding. Friends, just friends, those who you're close with but not in that special way, are different, and have a whole different set of rules entirely. Example: I have a close friend who I email with all the time. We don't talk on the phone, that's just not where our relationship is based, and that is a mutual understanding on both our parts. (If you're reading this, you know I love you, lol)

It's so simple! Email, Facebook, Twitter, text: they're all just ways of shortchanging the human race on communication. If your best friend really was your best friend then she'd want to bug you with the little things in her life, and you'd want her to listen as you dished on a new song you heard while your do your nails.

It's hard to believe because there is an exception to the rule: I'll admit, I'm a girl who loves her technology. I've got an iPhone (ninety per cent of the time that's where I'm blogging from), I've got Facebook, I've got Twitter (sammimartinez, thank you very much), I have several, if not too many, email accounts and all of these are hooked up to iGgy (my affectionately named iPhone). I utilize all of these methods to talk to my best friends, and we manage to contact each other on a daily basis. But there is phone contact, at least once a week or so, which I think is okay because we manage to be part of each other's lives in every single way. That's really the point I'm trying to get across. If your best friend won't deign to call you, let alone attune herself to your life, then she's just not worth your pretty!