FB Notes: `Cliche`

If I could say all the things I’ve ever wanted to say to you, I have a feeling that you’d be more offended than flattered.

It’s not that I don’t have anything to say at all. Quite the opposite, actually. But I sat and I thought about it today as I watched you. You were sitting so close to me and yet there I was, watching you from a million miles away, my eyes unable to see anything else but you. As you concentrated so hard at your task at hand there I was, wondering what I would tell you if you gave me the chance, if I gave me the chance. I think that it’s important to point that out: even if you asked me to tell you what’s on my mind, I’d never be able to; those little voices in my head always seem to edit my words as they’re coming out of my mouth, leaving you with the severely abridged version of what I’m thinking.

It’s funny, really, that when chances like that are given I can’t seem to say what I truly want to say. Choose any other point in time and my mouth would be shooting off without my mind even knowing. It’s no new experience for me to taste my own pedicured toes when I put my foot in my mouth. But when it’s just the two of us and all pretense is gone, I just can’t help but think. My mind suddenly warps into overdrive and my tongue can’t seem to articulate the proper sounding words. So I thought about it.

You make me feel like a cliché. But not just any cliché. When you’re with me I’m lighter than air, the birds are chirping happily, and, somewhere in the world, Mary Poppins is extolling the virtues of cleanliness in song. When I hear your voice on the phone there are a million violins playing their sweet melodies harmonized by the lively laughter of children. The world is bright, there is hope, and “priest-rabbi-duck” jokes are actually funny when you are around. You make me feel like the most clichéd cliché and it makes me blush a little.

Just thinking about you, I suddenly understand all those sappy love songs on the radio that used to make me nauseous. When we’re together the urge to pelt rocks at couples at the park is quelled and puppies are more than just slobbering mongrels that like to sniff inappropriate places. You turn me into someone I never thought I would be, or even could be. With you I become one of those girls that I used to make fun of. But, of course, I’d never actually admit it.

After considering all this, I wondered how I’d ever be able to tell you all that without coming off as inexplicably insane. Then I realized, slowly (as I tend to do with life altering epiphanies), that it was simple. I was making things too complicated. All I need are simple words because you know me and you know my every thought as it crosses my mind, every breath as it passes through my lips. But, as the little voices in my head protest, I begin to agree with them: what if my words are too simple? I hope, with every fiber of my being, that you understand.

So, what would I say if I could say all the things I’ve ever wanted to say to you? I’d say thank you.