Red Letter in Pink Ink

I miss... The way things used to be.

I don't want to go back to those days, but I really miss those times.

I came to this realization... Just now. But seed planted... yesterday, if I'm not mistaken.

I'm happy. Really happy. And, fuck, telling people just how happy I am kinda hurt because I had to tell them just how happy I am without you. I didn't think it would ever end up like that because we were tight. We made plans and imagined what our lives would be like together and promised each other a myriad of things that are now never going to come to fruition because of... What, bullshit, drama, and stubborness? Well, blow me down and fuck me sideways-- that sounds mighty stupid.

I haven't thought about it because, well, let's fucking face it, what is there to think about, really? And when I do happen upon your name on my FB or a mutual friend who asks about you, I'm not really all that sad or nostalgic or anything because I don't particularly miss you, I miss the idea of you and what you symbolized more than anything.

You were supposed to be my best friend.

You were supposed to be the one who, even when we fought, would understand me and say, "Fuck, you're being stupid and you're wrong but that's okay, I still love you so let's just shut up and forget about whatever this is you're being stupid and wrong about."

You were not supposed to treat me like I was a contagious case of malaria, even if it was only for... Fuck, I don't remember, I think a week?

You were not supposed to message me and call me a stubborn bitch while making yourself look even worse. And, what makes it worse, is that this was the second time.

Shit. I think back to what our life was like just one mere year ago and I swear to you I never saw this coming. We were supposed to be better than this. I wasn't supposed to go off and grow up without you. And you weren't supposed to stay in that rut of a life of yours, either. But, there is is and here we are... Well, aren't.

It doesn't make me sad or anything. It makes me angry. Mad. But most of all hurt. I'm mad that I can't have a best friend like you because I can't trust someone enough not to hurt me. I'm pissed that I've had to grow up and get the majority of my act together without you. I'm angry that you haven't changed one bit and that I know it's probably not good for you but I can't do anything about it because we're not even friends anymore.

Fuck. Maybe I'm overthinking things. Whatever. I'm done. You want to try talking to me again, check your drama at the door first, please.

I like
Where we are
When we drive
In your car
I like
Where we are
Here


<3Lulu

Riding In Car With Boy

Fogged windows, stifling heat
Cramped quarters, back seats
Parked behind a moving van
In an inner city lot
Hiding from the whole damn world
Our world is getting hot
We christen the cushion, baptism divine
Of sins of our own making
Our holy water is drips of sweat
And the point we near is breaking
As I call God and he calls me
I see fireworks in my head
He fists my hair and breathes so deep
And this is as good as any bed



<3Lulu

Music To The Tune of Strawberry Win

Words are sweet
Like strawberry wine
Rhythm and time
Sacred, sacchrine, salacious
Actions are rough
Like sandpaper on skin
Where do I begin
Making sense of the two
When his lips find my flesh
Sandpaper and rhythm mesh
Chaste kisses with words
That undermine their chastity


<3Lulu

Demon words
Artless tears
Empty diners
Frustrated fears
It's like living in a bubble
Slowly losing air
You try to breathe
But there's nothing there
I gave him what he wanted
I'm not sure it was enough
He gives me what I needed
I tell him it's too much
So how do I repay him
His kisses aren't cheap
They're worth their weight in diamonds
My imitation kisses are weak

<3Lulu